We listened to Lucinda Williams today for the first time in a long while. I forgot just how much I enjoy her and how much music can make the day better. Along with clean clothes and coffee. Here she is singing with Willie Nelson and again with Emmylou Harris, who I also hold a fondness for.
Oliver Phineas, born April 15th at 10:24 am.
I have finally emerged from the fog and feeling a tad more normal, it’s time to brave the world once more. Somehow I had the false impression that life with a second child would be easier, that all babies were the same, and just because I had been through and done it all before, I would know exactly what I was doing again. Boy was I wrong! These last seven weeks have been tough, hellish even, a real roller coaster ride. But come on, look at that little face, I think we’re going to be alright.
The labor part was easy, four hours from start to finish. So fast I almost feel ripped off. No medical intervention and no drugs, just the way I had wished for. 6:30 my water broke, got to the hospital around 8, rode through contractions without much notice while I smiled and rubbed my tummy. Shortly after 10, and not yet in a delivery room, I laid down and got up quickly with intense pain and declared it was time, I needed to push and I was going to push. A wave of medical personnel rushed into the room which was comparable in size to a bathroom and my dear husband shooed them all out. With our midwife and a nurse I pushed this little guy right out and into our world. I did it, I really did it! Six pounds, five ounces.
Having breastfed my first child with an ease that came so naturally to both of us, I just assumed it would be the same with the second. Breastfeeding is something I have been committed to and as far as I was concerned it was the only way to feed a baby. Sadly, after five weeks of persistent trying and toe curling pain it just wasn’t happening. It sucks, it totally sucks! I miss that closeness and wonderful feeling breastfeeding creates. Not to mention the pain in the ass of pumping and bottle feeding. Then there is the dreaded F word and the stigma attached to it, especially in the natural parenting world. When I came to find out at our five week check up that my little guy hadn’t gained any weight in two weeks, his constant crying drove me over the edge to the necessary evil. And have you ever stood in the grocery store looking at the wall of formula? Where does one begin, it’s all evil stuff. It has been tough and I feel very sad about this whole arrangement, but it is what it is and I now have a very happy, content sweet little boy who is eating well and gaining weight just as he should.
Today we had our last midwife appointment and it makes me a bit sad. The care and support I received with these phenomenal women was far beyond my expectations. I can’t say enough good things about the whole experience, I only wish all health care could be this fantastic. I almost want to have another child just to do it all over again! No, two is enough! The hour long prenatal meetings were so relaxing and informative, everything was always explained and discussed in an easy non medical way and I had no apprehension about going through labor again. But it was really the postnatal care that made the world of difference. Having someone come to our house to check up on us, especially with my unusually high blood pressure, was great, and I don’t know how I would have coped with the breastfeeding problems had I not had someone to call on as much as I did. I was so lucky to have a midwife!
Now I guess we get on with it and try to live through every hard moment of every hard day and enjoy the easy times as much as we can!
Well maybe this year I will put this space to good use. Maybe I will try to make the time to jot some things down more often. Maybe when I have a two-year old who commands every second of my attention AND a new baby who will eat ALL THE TIME ( oh shit what did I get myself into!!) I will have some time to share my experiences about life with two. Maybe.
Everything is moving along tickity boo, too fast and not fast enough. This time around has been so different on so many levels. Last time I was so green and so self-centered, as most women are, I really thought I was super amazing for creating this person who was growing inside me. I was glowing and people always smiled at me “Is this your first” they would say with such excitement and “yes” I would beam. Now, while I am just as happy and over the moon about having a second child, I still have yet to feel the glow. I feel great, but far to busy to stop and rub the belly. My glow is instead directed towards my dear sweet little Frances.
Over the past three years I have learned SO much about pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood through my own experiences and all the fantastic mothers and friends I have met over this time. I was lucky enough to find a midwife for this pregnancy which has made a huge difference. I can not say enough wonderful things about midwives! Previously I had seen a OBGYN in a clinic at the maternity hospital. It was fine, but just that, fine. I would see the doctor for five minutes and I never had all of my questions or concerns answered fully. There was really no support for a natural birth and I would be lucky if this doctor was present on the big day. (She wasn’t, I had a revolving door of doctors and residents making decisions for me). I see my midwife for about 45 minutes every appointment, she makes the time to talk to me about what’s going on and why and to chit chat about life in general.Love her!
I guess the biggest difference is hindsight and experience, oh and having everything needed for a new baby (cloth diapers, sleepers and breasts). I have no fear of the actual delivery ( thank you midwife) and I know pretty much what to expect with a new baby. I say pretty much because I understand every baby is different. The only aspect and unknown in this equation is how Frances will react and cope. This is what I worry most about. I am sure it will be hard for her in the beginning, such a big change in her sweet little life, but over time I know things will settle and she will be a big help. When Frances was born I remember feeling so sad for the first while. I had gone from being such an important person, this amazing girl with a big belly in which this baby grew. Family members, friends and even strangers all took such good care of me. The day she was born I was no longer as important. Nobody came to see me, they all came to see the baby. I was now just the mother. I have been thinking a lot about those feelings lately and wondering if maybe that’s how older siblings feel when a new baby comes along. Will I feel this way again.
I really think I am enjoying pregnancy a bit more for the second time. I will never go through this again (Josh has a little snip snip in his future) and I constantly remind myself of that with every little kick and turn I feel. It has been an easy ride (well for me anyway, don’t ask the dad!;) ) and I am just beginning to feel a little rotund, like a little porpoise.
Today I will forgo the visuals. Frances peed and pooped on the potty this morning for the very first time!! I am a very happy mama! I didn’t expect it at all, I put her on the potty while I also sat down to do my business. I picked up a copy of The Coast and read Savage Love while she looked at The Tales of Benjamin Bunny and when we were all done I looked in her potty and WOW there it was! I asked her what was in there and she replied “a snail” 🙂
Say hello to the next addition for our little family, who will be joining us in late April. Apparently my body tricked me when we thought it would be coming in mid May. I think this little person looks just like Frances which seems silly looking at an ultrasound, but it’s the first thing I thought when I laid eyes on the black and white image. It is so exciting and absolutely terrifying all at the same time!
Oh I’m such a bad mother! I totally forgot to bring the camera out on Halloween, so until I can get some of the photos Grampy took I will do a little back tracking. Last month we went on our annual family outing to the Annapolis valley. Every year since I can remember we have gone to the same places and done the same things, which suits us just fine. Here’s a little look at what we experienced:
Picnic at the Prescott House Museum, complete with hot cocoa and potato chips.
A little kick ball and exploring the garden where Josh and I were married (Just over his shoulder where you see lawn chairs.)
Finally to the apple orchard for some picking where apparently the apples on the ground were better than those on the trees! We are still working our way through two big bags, maybe I will get my act together and make some more apple butter.
We met a very sweet and friendly goat, saw a donkey and visited some pigs who I would like to think remembered us from last year, but surely those curly tailed cuties have long since gone to the slaughter-house.
Finally it was on to the farm stand to pick out our pumpkins, then home where we all crashed hard from the sweet and fresh valley air.