I celebrated my 35th birthday last weekend. 35, wow, if you’re in your 30’s that’s like half way to 40! That is a scary concept for a girl still living vicariously in her 20’s. 28 to be exact!
I measure the success of adult life by the type of couch a person owns. While I dream about owing a custom upholstered red settee, we still snuggle up on an old futon. Suits us just fine but feels rather callow. I guess this sums up my feelings about where I stand in life. I have always been a dreamer and tend to live by the Peter Pan philosophy. I am 100% happy with who and where I am but I have great difficulty relating to my contemporaries.
Josh recently told me I was cool. Not just like oh Jessica, you’re cool, but like in the most sincere and genuine way ever (and before all my friends and family jump down to the comment section to say the same, that’s not what I’m after). I think when you become a mother you loose part of yourself, it’s unavoidable, you’re so busy making other people happy and comfortable. It was rather nice to hear someone so near and dear tell me that I as a person, not as a wife or a mother, was really very cool.
The birthday celebrations were pretty low key. My cold developed into a sinus infection for which I am still taking antibiotics. My mother cooked a wonderful dinner with some of my favorite comfort foods, meatloaf and homemade mac and cheese. My mom makes really really good meatloaf. There was also the traditional lambie cake with candles and all!
Well, after all the chatter over the Easter Bunny, is he coming, when will he come and what will he bring (jelly beans!) he (she, it, whatever you prefer) did indeed come. Not only did he bring a small chocolate treat (yet to be consumed), a lovely tea set made from recycled plastic milk jugs, he also brought Frances and I a wonderful cold! Not to dwell on the negative, but it sure isn’t much fun to care for a sick child when you are feeling logy yourself. Thank goodness for husbands! We did manage to enjoy each others company while Frances made us pots of delicious Easter egg tea. There was also the traditional Easter supper happily cooked by my mother, leg of lamb and asparagus with butter and toaster bread crumbs. How can something so simple taste so good! And trifle for dessert, hands down one of my favorite desserts!!
…are what you make with soapy hair.
I have just come to the conclusion that Easter is my favorite holiday. I think I have always known this to be true, but somehow it took a little pondering over dough kneading.
Unlike Christmas which leaves one feeling a bit sick and tired by the time it finally arrives and waking up with an anticlimactic hangover the following morning, Easter sneaks up like a surprise. It always feels so fresh and new, spring is just beginning and in these parts the crocuses are starting to show themselves. Sure Hallmark likes to do its part for the economy, but it isn’t marred by consumerism the way other holidays are. I also like the fact that the Easter mascot is a big bunny rabbit, much cooler then some old guy with a beard don’t you think? When you wake up on Christmas morning everything is right there under the tree, but on Easter morning there is a hunt for treats and treasures!
So I am extremely excited about playing the roll of Easter bunny this year. We have told Frances the bunny will be visiting and this is the conversation we’ve been having:
Frances-“Easter bunny coming, see you”
Mommy- “Yes, the Easter bunny is coming to come see you. When is the Easter bunny coming?”
F-“Next week. Eggs.”
M-“Yes, next week and the Easter bunny will bring eggs.”
F-“Jelly beans!” (thanks Nanny!!)
and this conversation replays many times throughout the day!
Today I baked hot cross buns. I had been thinking about baking bread all week but never seemed to stay put long enough to do so. This morning I awoke to a feverish child, so I took the opportunity to stay home and putter around in the kitchen while she zonked out in front of Sesame Street. Poor thing!
If you subscribe to the What To Expect books or obey your elders, you might be lead to believe it is wrong to snuggle your child gently down into slumber. You are spoiling them and allowing them to have the upper hand. Some people might employ the cry it out method as a baby sleep trainer. Baby sleeps, mommy sleeps, everyone is happy (so they say). While I hold no ill feeling towards parents who choose this approach, it has felt very wrong and unnatural for us.
Everyday Frances grows, and everyday her need for me lessens. She goes about her busy life learning and exploring all the while becoming more confident and independent. It is totally amazing and mind blowing for me to watch! However the physical contact we shared when she was a baby has been greatly reduced. I savor it when I can get it and feel lucky to have a sweet girl who likes to give “big hugs”.
I appreciate the importance of making connections, for Frances and I it comes at nap time. Our daily ritual brings us together to converse, relax, snuggle and for her sleep. Before I transfer her safe and sound into her bed, I take in all of her sweetness and marvel at the complexity of life. It feels good to hold my child close as she drifts into sleep and we feel an attachment to one another.