Well maybe this year I will put this space to good use. Maybe I will try to make the time to jot some things down more often. Maybe when I have a two-year old who commands every second of my attention AND a new baby who will eat ALL THE TIME ( oh shit what did I get myself into!!) I will have some time to share my experiences about life with two. Maybe.
Everything is moving along tickity boo, too fast and not fast enough. This time around has been so different on so many levels. Last time I was so green and so self-centered, as most women are, I really thought I was super amazing for creating this person who was growing inside me. I was glowing and people always smiled at me “Is this your first” they would say with such excitement and “yes” I would beam. Now, while I am just as happy and over the moon about having a second child, I still have yet to feel the glow. I feel great, but far to busy to stop and rub the belly. My glow is instead directed towards my dear sweet little Frances.
Over the past three years I have learned SO much about pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood through my own experiences and all the fantastic mothers and friends I have met over this time. I was lucky enough to find a midwife for this pregnancy which has made a huge difference. I can not say enough wonderful things about midwives! Previously I had seen a OBGYN in a clinic at the maternity hospital. It was fine, but just that, fine. I would see the doctor for five minutes and I never had all of my questions or concerns answered fully. There was really no support for a natural birth and I would be lucky if this doctor was present on the big day. (She wasn’t, I had a revolving door of doctors and residents making decisions for me). I see my midwife for about 45 minutes every appointment, she makes the time to talk to me about what’s going on and why and to chit chat about life in general.Love her!
I guess the biggest difference is hindsight and experience, oh and having everything needed for a new baby (cloth diapers, sleepers and breasts). I have no fear of the actual delivery ( thank you midwife) and I know pretty much what to expect with a new baby. I say pretty much because I understand every baby is different. The only aspect and unknown in this equation is how Frances will react and cope. This is what I worry most about. I am sure it will be hard for her in the beginning, such a big change in her sweet little life, but over time I know things will settle and she will be a big help. When Frances was born I remember feeling so sad for the first while. I had gone from being such an important person, this amazing girl with a big belly in which this baby grew. Family members, friends and even strangers all took such good care of me. The day she was born I was no longer as important. Nobody came to see me, they all came to see the baby. I was now just the mother. I have been thinking a lot about those feelings lately and wondering if maybe that’s how older siblings feel when a new baby comes along. Will I feel this way again.
I really think I am enjoying pregnancy a bit more for the second time. I will never go through this again (Josh has a little snip snip in his future) and I constantly remind myself of that with every little kick and turn I feel. It has been an easy ride (well for me anyway, don’t ask the dad!;) ) and I am just beginning to feel a little rotund, like a little porpoise.